Crazy week

This week has been so crazy!! God has shown me different things this week and I have battled this week. My work company cut it's hours across the company to where full timers are getting 32 hours a week so I am trying to make due and I am also looking for another part time or a full time job. God always provides.Tuesday are a BIG day for us because Tuesday is when all the new things come out and you learn the ropes of who is important authors and singers and stuff. Well since hours are cut everyone is stressing because there is too much stuff to do and not enough workers. So, the managers are stressing and coming down on others that this needs to be done by a deadline but when you are slammed it is hard. It has been a stressful week.The wiccan kept screaming at me the past couple of days. To scream at me infront of others is very non professional.This weekend from thursday on was bad. Thursday was my hardest day. Not only was it a day for medical tests but it was also 7 month anniversary since I was raped. I was raped 3 days before thanksgiving by a friend that I went on a date with. I was date raped. I think because it is getting closer to the year anniversary I am having more problems with it. This is my second rape. I always dreamt of giving my virginity away to my hubby but it was taken from me. I never gave it away. I am really having to fight emotionally because I feel not worthy. I feel like a man will not want me because I am damaged and used. I took a sebatical away from men this year because I feel like I am just wanting time with God. God has already picked my mate and will give me him when we are both ready. Nothing I go through will lose my mate. I may have to wait longer but I won't lose him. God already knows him and just as he is continually preparing me God is continually preparing him. I know that there are battles that he is overcoming as well. This week has been an emotional fight. I am fighting over the emotions of my rape, emotions of not being lseeing myself the way I should, overcoming emotions of hurtful words and actions, emotions of wanting to restart my anorexia. But my fight is because I am letting my emotions rule instead of God rule. When I finally gave everything up to God and said God I have no strength left, your strength will have to be my guide everything got better and god started putting people there to minister to me and then God in His spirit alone is letting me minister to them. Here I am like "God I am the person they should be going to least." God says"You are beautiful in my sight." The lesson this week is to continue to see myyself through God's eyes and not my own.